Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
