i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
