according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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