she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
