it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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