see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
