Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
