How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
