3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
