I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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