i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
