I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
