i wish peter jackson would direct porn
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
