Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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