I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
