I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
