someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my shit smells like andre
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
