I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They took my balls.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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