Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
