She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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