Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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