It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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