I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
