Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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