they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
