I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
