im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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