I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
