dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
