i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
