He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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