i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
