there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
