just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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