that's an acceptable place to lick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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