I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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