look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
