I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
