how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
