please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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