So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
