there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
