i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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