I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
