How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
