I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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