I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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