R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
