She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
