I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
