My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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