Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
